‘Leaders set tables:’ Vail Mountain School students learn how to build connection over a meal

Vail Mountain School teaches its students a kind of leadership that prioritizes empathy and humility. On Wednesday, April 9, students also learned how to be the type of leaders who create belonging by setting tables for others.

“Our goal, always, is to build community within our community,” said Kate Blakslee, Vail Mountain School’s alumni relations and community engagement coordinator. “We share so much more than we have differences, and I think even in a school community, we have a lot to learn about each other, and telling stories is how people relate to each other.”

To teach students about building connection, the school brought in Tim Jones, executive director of Longer Tables, an organization he founded to combat the growing loneliness epidemic.

“Leaders set tables,” he said.

“We believe the healthiest leaders, the most whole leaders and the most effective leaders are those who set tables, both literal and figurative,” Jones said. “I don’t care if you’re the president, I don’t care if you’re a CEO, I don’t care if you’re leading up … we can all lead by inviting people to the table.”

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During his time with students, Jones shared why he sets tables and the power of what happens when people eat together.

“I have this belief that the table is the most powerful place on the planet, in terms of connection and belonging,” Jones said. “If that’s the case, then this epidemic of isolation, loneliness and polarization — all of these ills we’re seeing in our society — the solution could be as simple as, ‘let’s eat tacos together.'”

Vail Mountain School teaches a different style of leadership

Vail Mountain School prioritizes teaching its students a nuanced form of leadership. Before school even starts each year, students go on trips where they are encouraged to bond around the campfire, sharing advice, hopes and fears with their peers. This learning continues both in and out of the classroom during the year, including during winter hut trips that push many students out of their comfort zones.

“So much of the experiential learning that we do here is based on not just empathy building, but an understanding of why we come together,” said Steve Bileca, Vail Mountain School’s head of school.

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On this year’s fifth-grade hut trip, many students struggled as they moved uphill for 2 to 3 miles.

“It is so much about the ability to connect, to empathize with someone who is having struggles, or difficulty, and then to be able to talk about it,” Bileca said.

As students learn about leadership at Vail Mountain School, the importance of empathy and humility are emphasized.

“The best way to build empathy and humility amongst any group is to have real stories that are authentic and real space that is given for deep listening,” Bileca said. “Real and true deep listening happens around a campfire or around a table, when we’re open to an empathetic and sympathetic understanding of the other.”

Longer Tables addresses the loneliness epidemic, builds leaders and connection

Jones said he created Longer Tables because he saw what fear, loneliness and inept leaders across all fields did to people.

“Fear is public enemy number one, and so the more distance, the more separation — ‘I’m on my phone, I’m spending a lot of time alone,’ — it breaks down communication,” Jones said. “My hope in working with students is specifically planting seeds of a different picture of what leadership looks like. It’s not the one with all the knowledge, it’s not the one that’s an expert, it’s not the one with all the power, it’s the one that really serves, and sets figurative and literal tables for their people.”

Longer Tables literally sets giant tables — for companies, cities, high schools and more — and invites people from all walks of life to share a meal. The rules are simple: No job talk, and everyone must bring their authentic self. No one sits at the head of the table, and everyone eats fresh, family-style food on real plates.

“I think the table is the most powerful place on the planet. In a world that is increasingly getting disconnected, isolated, this ‘us versus them’ world, anxiety, depression, we desperately need a place to come back together,” Jones said.

Jones spoke about the loneliness epidemic, which is exacerbated by the availability of social media and streaming television, and in turn exacerbates polarization.

“50% of adults report feeling alone or isolated,” Jones said. “I’m not going to have you raise your hand and say if you’re feeling these things, but there’s a good chance over half of us are feeling isolated and alone a lot of the time.”

“We are made for relationships. We love being with our friends, we love being with our family, we love doing things together,” Jones said. “When we spend a lot of time alone, it’s literally making us less human.”

Jones chose tables to bring people back together because eating is a universal human experience. “Everyone is equal at the table, everyone has a spot at the table,” he said.

At his tables, people are invited to bring their real selves, an “invitation to be honest and horrible,” Jones said.

“We just want to get to your stories. To your dreams and your passions and the truth of what is going on in your life,” Jones said.

Vail Mountain School will host its own Longer Tables-style lunch on May 2, during which student leaders will run discussions with students, coaches and community members over a family-style meal.

As they plan to set up their own longer tables, Jones challenged students to embrace the uncomfortable. “Are you willing to risk being real with one another?” he said.

“We hope everyone joins us at the table,” Blakslee said. “Everyone has a place at the table, and everyone has a story to share.”